Stickler Rule Following in Life and Games

 Word of the Episode: Stickler

• The episode’s focus is the word "stickler", which historically comes from Old and Middle English, meaning an umpire or someone who sets things in order. Today, it refers to a person who insists on strict adherence to rules or certain standards.
• The hosts note that while "stickler" often has a negative connotation (suggesting rigidity or compulsiveness), it can also be positive, as such traits can lead to success in careers or life.

Main Topic: Rules in Games and Life

• The discussion shifts to how people approach rules in board games and in life, exploring personality differences between those who are strict rule-followers (sticklers) and those who prioritize fun or efficiency over strict adherence.
• The hosts reflect on their own relationship dynamics: one is more meticulous and competitive, preferring to follow official rules and even researching them to gain an advantage, while the other values speed, fun, and flexibility, often preferring house rules or shortcuts to keep things lively.

Board Games and House Rules

• Monopoly and Uno are used as examples:
  • The "Free Parking" rule in Monopoly is discussed as a common house rule, even though it’s not in the official rulebook.
  • In Uno, debates about stacking draw cards and playing multiple cards of the same number are explored, with the hosts clarifying that many of these are house rules, not official ones.
• The hosts agree that house rules are acceptable if they are agreed upon in advance and consistently applied, but dislike when rules are changed mid-game.

Personality and Play Styles

• The episode highlights how different play styles-competitive versus casual, rule-bound versus flexible-reflect broader personality traits and even relationship dynamics.
• The hosts touch on how these differences can affect enjoyment of games and quality time together, with one host preferring interactive, fast-paced play and the other enjoying the structure and challenge of following rules.

Looking Ahead

• The hosts tease future episodes on topics like synesthesia, sourdough, keto, and the concept of "parallel play" in relationships.

In Short:
This episode uses the word "stickler" as a springboard for a lively discussion about rules, personality, and play, both in board games and in life, illustrating how our approach to structure and flexibility shapes our experiences and relationships.

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Any views expressed on this podcast are those solely of the hosts and is for entertainment purposes only. None of the content is medical advice or financial advice.

Special thanks to Tim Wright aka CoLD SToRAGE for his permission to use the song Operatique.

Transcript

I Hate Talking: 0:29

Welcome to episode 39 of I Hate Talking, and today we're going to jump straight to the word or phrase of the episode, and today's word or phrase of the episode is stickler, stickler, and this word actually seems to only have use. Historically in the English language, so it does not have any Greek or Latin roots or French, but exclusively comes from Old English and then Middle English to the modern day usage within English stickler. So, the Old English starts out with the word scythian, and that means to set in order, and then that eventually evolves into the word stitle. And then there was also a word stickle. And the word stitle means to control, and the word stickle means to be an umpire, and those two words in the Middle English, stickle and stitle were combined into the single word stickler, which literally means umpire, and the dictionary definition of the modern word stickler. is a person who insists on a certain quality or type of behavior from our favorite Oxford language dictionary, so they may be rigid or meticulous when it comes to quality or a type of behavior like following rules, and this actually has seen an increase in usage since 2019. From the Merriam Webster's, it also is relevant to note that one of the examples given in the example sentence is that a person can be a stickler for the rules. With the definition being one who insists on exactness or completeness in the observance of something. So that is our word or phrase of the episode, stickler. And now on to the topic of this episode. It may not be the one that you think we are going to talk about. So, we did not do any research on Synesthesia, which I think we actually were mispronouncing cause I think we're adding an extra syllable in there. I think it's just synthesia. So this episode is not going to be about synthesia. No. Nor is it necessarily going to be about sourdough. Nope, again. And I think our listeners will have to continue waiting for the long-awaited keto episode. Keep waiting. So in this episode we are going to be talking about rules as they relate to board games and perhaps rules as they relate to life in general and maybe what personality types or traits are related to rule following or. Not necessarily rule breaking, but rather just a Which ones hate to follow the rules? Yeah, or a lack of concern with following the rules. So it's not like outright. Rule breaking, it's just that rules don't really matter. Or the matter of fun is more important. The outcome is more important than the way you get there. In games or in life. Oh, I'd say both. Or in the game of life. So, as we said at the start, the Propensity to either follow rules or break rules or just discount rules in general and that the fact that someone that is a constant and consistent rule follower. I meant as a negative thing, but that in some ways the compulsion. And rigidity to follow rules can actually be a good thing. I think it does have negative connotations and That would be what is meant when somebody uses that term to describe someone. However, some of the specific personality traits I think have more of a positive connotation in my mind that are again associated with this particular. Personality trait word that we've been talking about. I feel like I could be successful in careers, but Do you think that it's positive in your mind because you have these traits? If you think that I am biased towards. Positivity for these traits, because I think I do have many of them, the good and the bad. Not getting too deep into it. Probably our number one disagreement as a couple. Is -- your -- like compulsiveness to be rigid and meticulous. Yeah So you're, yes, exactly. That is what I'm trying to say. So, So you said it may make you successful in a career. Does it make you successful playing Monopoly? Maybe. I've, I don't know if I've ever actually finished a game of Monopoly in my life. Like, the real Monopoly, I played Speed Monopoly. Speed Monopoly as a game or just a different set of rules to make it go faster? No, there's like. A game, right, where you can choose these roles, I don't know. Yeah, I think there is maybe a version. I don't know if it's part of the official rules and Part of the reason that I may not know is because either myself. As part of my own scruples would not allow people to play that style or I was maybe not even allowed to play that style. But I think there is a style where you must buy every property that you land on, and that makes the game go faster, whereas in like a standard procedure. That you have the option to buy the property or not. Yeah, I just get so bored with it. I know some people love Monopoly, and if you do, that's great for you. I get extremely bored with the game. Very quickly. And so that's why, yeah, the speed one, I do that. That's fine. I guess if it's fast moving like that, like, you're constantly buying, constantly moving, that's OK. But the fact that you're waiting. For people To make decisions and count out their money, and then like, do the math in their head is just so slow for me that I quickly lose interest. I suppose so. I truly remember only playing the style of Monopoly where it is sort of the long form. The only particular house rule that I think. That we had That I think most people even maybe consider as the rule and maybe it's even a Mandela effect is collecting the money from free parking. Oh, you're not supposed to do that. Now that is not part of the official rules. I believe that. If you have some sort of payment that must be made, so like you pay $50 or uh the luxury tax square or whatever the case may be that that money is supposed to go into the bank, not into the middle and that free parking is just that, it's just a free square and does not do anything in the game. The depositing of the extra taxes and money into the center is a house rule and The related collection of that money and landing on free parking is a house rule as well. And so, but why would you have that role then? Because you never want to do house rules. So why would you be OK with that one? So I think it may be because that was as I was learning the game, the only way of playing the game that I was taught, so it was in some ways inherited. Rule And that if there is a tried and true rule. It is added to the official game set of rules that is as some. Best of time that it's not just like you added a rule. It's brand new on the spot. You made it up 5 minutes ago and you don't know how it's actually going to affect the gameplay. That this house rule has been. Tested over the course of many different people playing the game and actually adds a nuance to the game that makes it more enjoyable. That and therefore that rule becomes allowed as long as all parties playing the game. Agree to the House rule or The actual fact that it is a house rule that if you're at that person's house and they play this way, then you play by the house rules. Mhm. So how do you feel in general about house rules then? So I think that they need to still be Standardized, so. Even if there is a special house rule, that it is the house rule throughout, it's not like the house rules changed from day to day. As well as, like I said, having that aspect of of time that it is a legitimate rule that does not have any outsized impact on the play of the game. And again that all parties are aware of the house rules. Ahead of partaking in the game. Yeah, I mean, I'd agree with that. I'm super sketch, like, no, no, no, no, no. When you're like halfway through a game and somebody suddenly calls house rules or changes something, that's not cool, unless it's the first time it's happened. If no one's landed on free parking space, the entire game. And then they land on it the first time halfway through the game, and then they collect the money, that's fine with me. But if someone's landed on it before, and they did not get to collect the money, that's not cool. But, in general, I love house rules. I think it's awesome because every grouping is different, and you gotta do what's best. I don't care what the rulebook says, if it's boring, or if there's too many people, not enough people, not enough time, whatnot. I feel like the point of playing a game is for fun. And if you're going to be so stick with the roles that it's no longer fun. Then why are we doing it? Precisely, and one of the reasons that this topic came up at all was we were discussing the rules of Uno and whether the stacking of draw cards was a house rule or not. Yes, and you wanted to look it up and I was like, you're going to lose these kids. We were playing a game after dinner. And the subject came up. And so you wanted to go get the phone, we didn't have our phones with us. You wanted to go get the phone and look it up. And I was like, We have a bunch of little kids sitting here waiting to play, and we're gonna lose it, or maybe I'm just projecting because Nothing kills my enjoyment of a game more than when you stop everything to look up a girl and you read for 1015 minutes, all the details, all the pages. By then I'm like, I'm done. I just want to go to sleep cause I'm sitting here falling asleep at the table. Perhaps the reason that it does retain my attention is that I also have a competitive nature, and I will want to know all the rules inside and out, house rules or not, to gain a competitive edge to win the game. Right, I'm not competitive. I don't mind losing actually. Often I feel bad if I win. So, I do not share that with you. I make sure I like winning and that's cool, I guess, but I play for the fun, not for the outcome. And I think that is where we differ on games and where we differ maybe in life sometimes too. Perhaps, and it is even bothering me that I have not been able to describe whether seconding cards is a house rule or not in you know, and you probably don't even really care. No, I don't care at all. I've had no desire. I'm surprised you haven't looked it up though. I did look it up in preparation for this recording session. What did it say? So the official rules of Uno is that you do not stack cards. So if someone plays a draw 4, which there actually are rules related to that because a draw 4 cards should only be played if that is the only available play, you can't just play it. On a card that you could play something else. So if it was a green 2 and you had a yellow 2, you'd have to play the yellow 2 before you play the draw 4 cards. So the draw 4 card being sort of that last out that you have, if you don't have any other places. That then makes the player. To your left or right, I guess depending on what direction you're going on because there are reverse cards. I then made to draw 4 cards and they cannot stack an additional draw 4 card on top of it to make the next person draw 8. Yeah, that's what I would have said, and you were saying the other opposite today. Correct, because this is a house rule that I have played with. I think pretty much my entire life is that card stack, the draw card stack, and that you can play skip cards and reverse cards on top of each other that have the same effect. OK, see, I did not play it that way, so I guess I didn't play the house rules for that. The thing that I differed with you on the game was. Say somebody gets a draw 4. I said they could draw 4 and they still could place the card down. Did you look that up? Can you, is that true? So I did not find that explicitly. I have to, I guess, change my search terms here. Let's take a look and see what we can find. So I think part of the problem in even searching for this as it relates to the draw for card in you know is that there are so many search terms associated with the stacking of cards it's even hard to find out what happens to the player that has to draw the four cards, but according to the official rules, it appears that they completely lose their turn. OK, so that would be different, cause I was wanting people to continue to discard. OK, and then the other one you can look up while you're looking this up, is can you stag. When you're discarding, putting them in the pile, I always played that if you had 2. Yellow fours, you could put both down. And you said no to that. Or if you have skips, you could put, if you wanted to, you could put all the skips down in one turn. and even the things that are coming up again are the draw stacking. So can you, in that theoretical scenario, if you could play that way, can you play to draw 2s at the same time if they're the same color? Yes, but it's not like the next person I have to draw for. You'd only draw the 2, it's just discarding as many cards as you can as fast as you can. you want to get to Uno, you wanna lose as many cards as possible. So there is a house rule that if you have two cards the same number, different colors that you can play those in one turn. That is a house rule, that is not the official rule. OK. And then a lot of people are responding in this thread that even if it's two cards of the same number and same color, so the two yellow fours in your theoretical example, that you cannot do that either, and you only play one card. I definitely always played that you could play the same, and even if it was a different color, you could play it, and then I just mixes it up more with colors get swapped faster. There you go, you are employing house rules that make the games go faster. I guess. I just want to finish a game as fast as I can to be done. Ultimately though, I just, I guess, cause I want it to go faster. I want it to be interactive, and I think I don't find sitting there staring at somebody reading interactive. To me, like I said, I just, especially when it's an evening game, like tonight after dinner. I'm an early riser. I wake up so early, I go to bed embarrassingly early compared to other adults. I get it. But I will fall asleep, or, like, I can feel like my brain is slowly turning off and dimming the lights, which sounds horrible to say. I can feel it in my head when I'm sitting there staring at someone reading the back of a pamphlet on how to play these games. I'm like, let's just do it. I don't care what games you guys want to play. I don't care how you play it. Let's just do it and have fun. The second we slow down, I want to put my pajamas on and go to sleep. And that is an interesting insight that perhaps we can get into more in a future episode with some of the Strategies or. Experiences that we have as it relates to quote unquote parallel play, so in the relationship thing where you are doing your own task. Next to me doing a task that we find enjoyable such as perhaps you are listening to a podcast and I'm reading a book that we are still present together and enjoying our own thing that you don't particularly find a lot of utility in that whereas perhaps I do. You might as well be in a different state. Like, even if we're sharing the same couch, if we're doing something that like that, that means nothing to me. I'm glad that my presence is so important. Wow I mean if we were at least like, your arm was around me or like we're cuddling or something, that's something. But we're on the other side of the couch reading a book and I'm over here reading an article, like, Yeah, I don't know, it doesn't matter. I know that's different for you, so I try to spend that quality time with you, but I do not feel it the same. That is for a different topic for sure. That is for a future episode, so many things that we have still on the docket. But we are probably coming to a close on this episode, so perhaps a future episode, we will get to synthesia, we will get to sourdough, we will get the keto, and we will get to parallel play, and maybe there's even a whole episode that we can do some corrections to previous podcast episodes. So if you have noticed a mistake, you tell us about that mistake so that we can make the correction and remain. Please let us know, send us an email, send us a text, or if you have enjoyed this episode or other episodes, tell just one friend and they can enjoy this podcast as well. Sounds good So, from your friends that I hate talking, until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.