More Debate on the Quote "Nostalgia is simply a longing for a time we know we can survive"

 In Episode 83 of I Hate Talking, the hosts dive into the concept of "nostalgia," sparked by a listener suggestion and a memorable quote: "Nostalgia is just a longing for a time we know we can survive." The duo debates the merits and shortcomings of this definition, reflecting on whether nostalgia is more about overcoming hardships or an emotional longing for the best moments of our pasts. With personal stories about parenting, childhood memories, and once-in-a-lifetime trips, they explore how nostalgia is shaped by both triumph and struggle, and whether it applies to adulthood memories or just the carefree days of youth. The conversation draws on classic dictionary definitions and the term’s Greek roots—νόστος  (homecoming/return) and ἄλγος  (pain)—to illuminate how nostalgia has evolved from literal homesickness to a complex, bittersweet emotion. Listeners are invited to weigh in: is nostalgia just about survivable times, is it rooted in the happiest memories, or can it arise from adversity as well?

Along the way, the episode highlights the ways in which nostalgia shapes our perception of life’s eras, why certain periods or places draw us back emotionally, and whether it’s possible to intentionally create nostalgia in adulthood. As always, the hosts use humor, candid disagreement, and lively storytelling to unpack the episode’s word—concluding that through talking (and sometimes disagreeing), we begin the journey to understanding.

Keywords: nostalgia, homesickness, parenting memories, emotional meaning, Greek etymology, life reflection, bittersweet, survival, sentimental longing, Richard Greenberg quote, adult vs. childhood memories.

Transcript

I Hate Talking: 0:29

Welcome to episode 83 of I Hate Talking. Hi everyone. So, like we hinted at last episode, we will do the word nostalgia as our word or phrase of this episode. So, perhaps you would like to quickly recap your particular quote by that gentleman that wrote plays and was associated to How I Met Your Mother. Not associated to How I Met Your Mother, but I guess just associated to the gentleman that played Ted in How I Met Your Mother. Yes, so, the gentleman who played Ted was in a play previously before How I Met Your Mother, and he quoted the playwriter, Richard Greenberg, that said, nostalgia is just a longing for a time we know we can survive. And I still staunchly hold the position that this is patently false. What are your thoughts? Have you changed your mind at all, or are you still like this quote? Yeah, I fully agree with it still. OK, cause it's the whole reason. OK, we're going into it or not? Well, I think we should perhaps define nostalgia and research the etymology before we continue on this debate on this particular quote or just nostalgia in general. OK, OK, so from our favorite Oxford language dictionary. Nostalgia is defined as a noun, a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. OK, yeah. I feel like that's reiterating my point or his point. So go on. And this comes from the Greek for nostros and algos, and nostros is actually meaning home or returning home. Algos is actually for pain. So, the literal interpretation of Nostros algos is homesickness, so that then became used in terms of nostalgia or longing for home, essentially. Mhm, OK. Now it's interesting to note that nostalgia has increased in frequency over the past 50 years or so and seems to be at its peak almost within the last 5 or 6 years, it seems. And I guess there's really only one definition. Let's check Merriam-Webster's real quick. It has a very similar definition for number one, a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for a return to or of some past period. Or irrecoverable condition. 2, the state of being homesick. So, that is the literal meaning of nostros and algos. Nostalgia. OK, yeah, I mean, I think that still further shows my interpretation of the quote, because when you think about your past, Like, take our little kids, like when they were babies or little toddlers. I'm like, oh, those were such sweet times. And then I look at like the difficulties we have now with them as they're like preteens. I'm like, oh, this is challenging. But when they were toddlers, I remember being challenging also. But now all I remember is like, oh, they were so cute. Remember when they used to blah blah blah. And, but we've survived that, we've gone through that phase. This phase, I mean, I'm sure we will survive also, but We don't have proof that we will. So I think it's like nostalgic of remembering back and being like, oh, that was easier. That was a good time. Because we got through it. But it wasn't a good time because you got through it. It was a good time in spite of getting through it. No. Because it's only a good time if you get through it. Well, what if it's a bad time and you get through the bad times, -- then -- you didn't get through it and -- you survived -- it. You survived the bad times. Why would you long for bad times that you simply survived? Because you know you could get through him still. But you don't have affection for those memories. You don't, aren't wistful for the time that you barely survived. OK, well, what about labor? Yeah, you hate that. I don't though. I always tell people how much I love labor. Well, I was there and I was a witness and Many times you've told me afterwards, don't ever let me do this again and then like a week or two later you're like, oh, that was the best time of my life. No, it was not. See, that's it. It was, I can logically, like academically. Put myself in that position, be like, oh, I can state facts of how hard that was. But when I look back at it, I'm like, oh, that was so amazing and it was so great. So, I don't know, I'll just pick a childhood experience somewhat at random, but there was a time that I walked into a concrete wall and chipped my tooth and had to be quote unquote, rushed, at least felt like it to me as a small child to an emergency dentist appointment to reconstruct my tooth. I survived that. I have no nostalgia about that moment. I do not wish to experience that again. I do not have any particular wistful appreciation or homesickness to experience that event again. I survived it, but I certainly am not nostalgic for it. Right, OK, I get that. I think we're, we're miscommunicating then. I think I figured out how we're on different tracks, because I'm not arguing that everything in the past is nostalgic. I'm just arguing that when you pick out your memories of nostalgia, yes, so maybe they could be good times, but it was also incorporated bad times and you survived them, both good and bad. So good and bad things happen at the same time, for everything, always, every day. So I'm not arguing that every single moment of your life. is nostalgic. I'm just arguing that when you look back, And you are nostalgic at certain things, it's not as rosy and amazing as we feel like it is. Again, you can logically pick out bad parts of everything. But you don't think about that part, cause you survived it and moved on, and you think of the good stuff. I don't think everything's nostalgic. Do you? -- So -- read the quote again. And again, this is me quoting a podcaster quoting his playwriter, so it might not even be exact words, but what I wrote down was, nostalgia is just a longing for a time we know we can survive. Yeah, I still am not on the same wavelength as this particular playwright because up until this point, for all intents and purposes, you've survived everything. And therefore, you would be nostalgic for everything. So perhaps I'm taking too literal of an interpretation of this and seeing it in too much numerical and black and white that I'm reading into the quote, but to put it on the extreme, That means that something that you're not nostalgic for is something you didn't survive, if you use categorical references for these particular events of either surviving or not surviving. Yeah, I don't know. I think you're just taking it too literal, because I think the reason I liked it. was pointing out that there's highs and lows, and you just ignore those highs and lows. Like when I look back, there was a time in our life we had 3 boys, 3 and under. And 3 boys in 3 years was intense, and people are like, wow, how'd you survive that? That's crazy. I'm like, that was the happiest time of my life. But I remember that it was hard, you know, but I am nostalgic for those times. And now having 3 boys that close in age that are getting older, I'm like, oh, this is hard stuff going on. I wish I could go back to when they were tiny little babies, because I knew how to deal with that. I didn't at that time, I figured it out, but now I know. I, so I think it's, you're taking a very literal, and it's OK if you don't like the quote, but I like it because it's just perspective. Every time you do something, Like even take 2020 and COVID. They were really good things, and they're really bad things too, but there were really good things about that time, about that year. And during that time, when you're in the middle of it, that wasn't nostalgia, that was survival. And now looking back, we can pinpoint like, oh, remember that was really awesome, that thing happened and that was really cool. But when you're in the middle of it, it was scary when like, we didn't have toilet paper, we didn't have groceries. But now that we do have them. It doesn't seem as scary anymore. I suppose so. I am not nostalgic for 2020. There are certain things that maybe I would point out as high points or whatever, but I suppose that I don't necessarily disassociate all the chaos and uncertainty from Those particular high points. So whenever I think of 2020. Sure, there was less traffic on the road for those of us that still had to go into work, but I would not be able to, in my mind, disassociate that from all the things that were going on in the world. So I'm not nostalgic for that time period because I see it all as a package deal. But what if we relive 2020, or another pandemic that we don't know about? What would you do? Would you relive that year, or would you rather do a different crisis? Well, a different crisis or a different pandemic? pandemic and I can retain all the memories about the previous pandemic, yeah, then categorically, yes, I would choose the new one. You would choose the new one, yeah, because I've already have a lot of learnings. Or are you saying that I can just magically go back in time and have all my knowledge about 2020 and live through it again, right? And make different decisions Yeah. I guess that because then you have like a superpower, but Well, that's the way I think it is. It's like, because your, your memories sort of are a superpower, right? I mean, I guess if you go back in time and are able to change past events. Now we're way off in. Imaginary land So I don't think nostalgia would apply to 2020. OK. I don't know if we still agree with what nostalgia is though. So It's interesting to note, as I was reflecting on nostalgia for preparation for this episode, is that I personally don't think I am nostalgic for anything in my adult life. I think I am only nostalgic for my childhood. Why do you think that is? Mm, I don't know. I've not come to any particular conclusions. If I had to guess and give an answer, I would say probably because of the quote unquote lack of responsibility as a child. That those were To use the turn of phrase, simpler times. And did not have as many adult responsibilities and therefore, That is something that I am wistfully attracted to and long for. Again, and maybe we don't agree on the word nostalgic, but what about, aren't there times as an adult, like a holiday, a certain food, a certain vacation, that you look forward to, or you look back on fondly whenever you live. The ones that come to mind in my adult life are ones that have been recreated from childhood memories and experiences. That's not, I mean, yeah, OK, I'm not trying to tell you what you think. So you would never, you don't look back fondly at the Granuela. I look back fondly at it, but it's not a nostalgic thing. -- Why -- not? Cause I don't want to consider that home. So home is your family as a child. I think so, yes. See, I associate nostalgia with more of like a homecoming. Not necessarily just a good memory. Like so much that To use the literal meaning of nostalgia that you are sick with the desire of that time period. Right, so would you in your head say that your kids will be nostalgic for this home or our traditions? But you do not share that nostalgia with them. It's quite possible, or maybe they'll have your interpretation of the nostalgia where it can be simply a time that you survived and only the good parts of an experience that has both low and high points, but that is not how I see nostalgia. I don't know, I, in 20 years, I wanna relive this with you because I think you're gonna be nostalgic for like our kids being little. And then our grandkids are gonna come over and you're gonna be like, oh, remember when I used to wrestle, let's get out the mats and now I'm gonna wrestle with them. Yes, that is quite possible, but that is all theory and I'm trying to grasp for a moment since My 13th birthday that I would consider as like a nostalgic moment. I can't really think of one where it sort of engenders the emotional feeling of something from my childhood. It doesn't have to be from your childhood. No, it does not, and I guess nostalgia does not patently need to be from childhood, but That is how I personally experienced nostalgia. And then that could also be a reason that we don't align on this particular quote or interpret it the same way. Right, cause kids survive everything they don't know, they just run out and the bus doesn't hit them and They're oblivious. Well, if you survive the bus hitting you, then you'll be nostalgic for that moment that the bus hit you. Yeah, unless you don't know the bus almost hit. That's what I'm saying. The bus, you don't know, a kid doesn't know that they almost got hit. Their parents like having a heart attack, right? Or they actually get hit by the bus, survive, and then they wish they could go back to that moment because they're nostalgic for that moment that they survived. So I'm just pointing out how ridiculous this quote is that if you survive something that you would want to wish to experience it again. I think the argument is that you survive everything you have a memory of. Well, I suppose so. He probably even survived things you don't have memories of. Yeah, but you're not nostalgic for those. Because you don't have a memory of it. How can you be? Because you survived Yeah, but he's saying that the deeper point of his quote that I think he's making. The deeper point I take from it. Is that When you're like, oh, like, let's think of Christmas. Christmas is coming up. It doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to have a billion presents under the tree, cookies every night, everything perfectly done. To be nostalgic for that day and that holiday. It's a living experience that you look back and you go, oh, that was a good time. Old people, other people always look back at the good times, are always the past. They never, there's an office quote, right? Where Andy's like, I wish you knew you were living in the good times when you were living in them. Right? And so I think that's the point is life every day is hard, and you just keep going, but when you look back, you're like, oh, actually, maybe that wasn't as hard, or look, I survived, that's awesome. I suppose so, but not getting to the same conclusion. I don't know, I think I'm sad for you. Let's talk about this, that you're not nostalgic for anything in the last 25, 30 years, because But let me clarify, I do have good memories and highlights and low points as well, but Very good memories throughout those 30 years, but not necessarily something that I wish I could return home to or wistfully have an emotional effect from. I think that's, I don't know, you don't think that's sad? What am I doing wrong? That doesn't allow you then. To have an emotional moment about our lives ever. See, I think we're all still conflating. Emotional, happy memories with. Like this homesickness, nostalgia idea. Because I think nostalgia is more narrowly defined than just a happy memory. Do we need to read Oxford language again? Sure, you can look it up, and in the process of that, I wanna hear your top three best, like, obviously not in detail, but your top three memories that come to your mind instantly in life, like your highlight reel, the three best things go. The 3 best things that I'm nostalgic for, -- or -- like, no, just like your 3 best memories that pop in your head instantly. You're taking too long. Go. Uh, eating Swedish fish at the laundromat, OK. Having Thanksgiving dinner with see you again it would be as a child with like aunts and uncles and parents and siblings, OK. That's 2. I mean, the Grand Wala was good. That one you probably already have preprogrammed into me since you mentioned that earlier, but now that's 1. OK, I in no way am I trying to diminish your childhood because I'm glad you have such great memories, but I wonder if you're almost, uh, this sounds harsh, so don't take it the way it sounds. Almost wasting your adult life then. The only great memories you have. are below the age of 13. You're putting words in my mouth. I'm not saying great memories. I'm saying nostalgia. No, but I asked you what your three best memories were. Go, and that's OK if they're 2 were childhood, you know, that's fine, but I'm just saying like if those are the best memories. I don't know, maybe we should do something different that have your adult life have good memories. I see. So what are your top 3 then? The Grand Vela, Mexico, when we were in La Paz and the birth of our first kid. There you go. Those are good. For sure, on top, like, boom, boom, boom. This all ask even happened in the same two-year period, maybe, 3-year period. I guess 3 years That was a good 3 years. There you go. So just to review the definition, a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. So are you putting a lot of emphasis on the place then? Period and place, yes. Or a period you're saying like it has to be a year or a season or I think it could be like a day, an event. No, it's a period. This is a, see again, maybe this is also a nuance is that it is not a single day. A period of time is typically an indeterminate extended length of time. Well, we have to define period and uh. While we do that, I guess so while we do that. Have we talked about our La Paz trip yet on here? I don't think so. OK, so just to recap it, because again this was amazing and this totally should be nostalgia because we survived it. We were young, early 20s, and went to Cabo on vacation, and then you decided you wanted to go to La Paz. You wanted to rent a car and drive to La Paz. That was what, maybe 23 hour drive from the resort. We stayed at a hotel there. Are we going into this? I thought we were trying to figure out what a period is. Yeah, I'm giving this while you're looking at that. I had it. Yes, I'm ready. No, but I'm further emphasizing why Lapaz is a period of time, and then you can prove me wrong if you think so from your research. And we stayed at a hotel there. We wanted to go snorkeling. The front desk guy was like, hey, my cousin owns a boat and he does snorkeling. Great, here's a bunch of money, come pick us up at 8 AM And so we come out, he's not there. We asked the front desk guy in the morning, and he's like, you gave him money, right, he's like, did he give you a receipt? Like, no. He's like, oh my gosh, you could just tell he was like stupid white people. So eventually the guy shows up. And we get on the boat. The police come over we're on the boat about to take off and talk to him. We don't know what they're saying in Spanish, so we're sitting there and they're pointing to us and we're like, uh oh, what's happening? The police leave and they go on another boat. The boat driver that we're with is like, I'm gonna go get some teaccate. I'll be back. So we're still sitting there waiting. Like that was weird. In the meantime, the police come back with the man arrested on another boat. Then we're like, what happened? So apparently the police wanted to commandeer our boat to go arrest this person. And he wouldn't let them because we were foreigners and so yada yada. And then we go out, kayak, we see like stingrays, we're kayaking with sea lions, we finally are like, we're done, let's get on the boat. Seconds later, your foot, I got in first, your foot was barely in the boat when a whole bunch of killer whales came by for lunch. And I'm sure we would have been safe, but we could have gotten injured in the process of, um, their meeting the sea lions, and then we just spent the next hour watching and following the killer whales, and it was the best time and we get home and the dolphins are jumping around our boat and playing with us. And it was just like the coolest, amazing day of all these things that could have gone wrong, and they didn't, and To me, that might be the best day of my life. I think it was just, I would never do it again. Now we have to be mature and responsible. Back then we had no family, no kids or anything. And it's definitely one of those that could have been bad, but it was also amazing. So that's what I think of, I think of nostalgia, something like that. And I consider La Paz a period of time in our life when we could be carefree like that, like, sure, we'll get in this boat with a stranger we don't know and don't speak the same language with. And as a period of time, we would not do now. So go. OK, so. So, period as defined by Oxford Language Dictionary is first defined as a length or portion of time. It gives some sub-definitions that describe a portion of time in the life of a nation, civilization, characterized by the same prevalent features or conditions, a major division of geological time that is a subdivision of an era. And itself subdivided into epochs. So, the example given here is the Cretaceous period. So these are not small portions of time, these are extended periods of time that are being described by Nostalgia with the period or place being that longer period of time, and the etymology even is in reference to an orbit, so para around and hodos, which is meaning way or course that the original use of parados was orbit, so, things in the planetary system orbiting around the sun or moons around planets. That these are long things. How do you know it's long? You're adding that word in, right? You're just assuming because if it's a planet orbiting. That's how they used it in the original, yes. Planet orbiting or the word long? Planet orbiting. OK, I'm just saying that I think you're adding a little bit of your life. Well, it takes more than a day or a second. Maybe you're questioning planetary science now. Some planets travel quick. What planet and what sun are you talking about? I think Mercury still takes 78 days to orbit the sun, right? That's the fastest one. What about the moon orbiting the Earth? Yeah, the moon orbits the Earth. I don't know the period for the moon orbiting the Earth. 27 days. I should have known that, it's basically 28 days, but 27 Earth days. From our perspective, it appears to orbit every 29 days, the lunar month. OK, so I don't think we're gonna agree on this, and I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. But I really think I'd like you, can I give you like a task? See, I think that's part of the problem is my nostalgia is associated with times of not having tasks and responsibilities. But I want you to find times now that you will be nostalgic for. Create some now that you're gonna look back on fondly later. Yeah, but we have, even in your own words, no ability to create those ourselves. You can be open and willing to. Yeah, that's true. Like what if you're like, I'm gonna have a great day today. Or maybe it's just that AI will survive. And then you look back on it and enjoy it. I don't think so. Sorry, I'm still poking fun at this particular quote. OK. That's OK if you don't like the quote. I still like it, but it's not like you have to like it. But I just wanna figure out ways that make you enjoy. And look back fondly at the life you're living. I don't think your life peaked at 13, is what I'm saying. What if it did though? Oh, that's a sad life. Perhaps I think this also goes back to Our fundamental differences on the purpose of life. I don't know, maybe. Well, maybe that's something we can get into next time, so. An interesting conversation, perhaps lots for me to personally reflect on. Less so for you, I suppose. No, I'll keep reflecting on it. I think I think I'm just walking away a little sad for you. I see. Well, you, our listeners will have to let us know if you feel sad for me too, or if you tend to agree or disagree with any of the particular thoughts on nostalgia. Mhm. So from your friends at I Hate Talking, until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.