The Interesting Etylmology of Goodbye

 In episode 86 of I Hate Talking, the hosts take on the deceptively simple word “goodbye” and discover how emotionally loaded it has become in modern conversation. They unpack why “goodbye” can feel harsh or final—more like a relationship-ending period than a casual sign‑off—and contrast it with softer alternatives such as “bye,” “see you later,” and even the more cheerful “good morning.”

Digging into etymology, they explain how “goodbye” began as the devotional phrase “God be with ye,” was shortened in writing (like an old-school “BRB”), and eventually morphed into the single word used today. From there, the discussion widens into different styles of leave-taking: formal farewells, the “silent goodbye” (a.k.a. French leave/Irish exit), and how culture, personality, and even gender shape whether you feel obligated to make rounds or just slip out the door. Along the way, they share funny family stories, including accidental “I love you”s on work calls, midwestern marathon goodbyes, and a grandparent who would simply stand up from dinner and go sit in the car.

The episode closes with a self-aware twist: for them, this isn’t goodbye—just another conversation about how the words we choose reveal what we value in relationships, endings, and everything in between.

Keywords: goodbye, etymology of goodbye, God be with ye, farewell language, silent goodbye, French leave, Irish exit, social etiquette, parting phrases, good morning vs goodbye, midwestern goodbye, small talk, cultural communication, relationship endings, I Hate Talking podcast.

Transcript

I Hate Talking: 0:29

Welcome to episode 86 of I Hate Talking. Hi everyone. So this isn't goodbye. But that is our word or phrase of the episode. Oh, OK. I didn't know where you're going with that. All right, well, hopefully I caught our listeners off guard too. I, I was in full transparency. I was not really ready. I was scrolling on my phone when I heard that and I had to do a double take like what? That's true. So it's not goodbye, and that is because of this enjoyable hobby that we do together that we derive value from, as well as hopefully our listeners deriving value from as well. And if you do, you always can like, share and subscribe. But we will move on with our word or phrase of the episode, and that word is goodbye. OK. So, I think the definition is probably pretty well known that it is a particular word that people say when they are leaving somewhere or bidding someone farewell, that they would use this as a particular word when they are departing. Right. It is a good time, we can talk about later. Is it hyphenated? It is not hyphenated, nor is it two words. It is one singular word, goodbye. Is it different when people hyphenate it, or are they just making an error? I'm pretty sure that's an error because definitely the space is an error. So I think if you hyphenated it, it would be in the same vein that it is erroneous that you would just write all the letters goodbye as one singular word. OK, so it's true, like in the dictionary, one word, goodbye. Correct. All right. Now there is the word bye, which could be used as a shortened form of goodbye, where you just say bye to someone. And then that also is another word that is used within sporting that if a particular player or team has a bye, that they are not required to participate in that particular -- bracket or that -- round. B Y E, yes, same spelling. That makes sense. Like, bye. I'm not seeing you. We're not seeing you play. That's true. So the etymology of the word goodbye, I think is where it is interesting. OK, tell me about it. So would you like to wager a guess on where it came from? Oh, that's a hard one. Goodbye. I feel like England would say like farewell. It's not fair. It hasn't, I don't know. I don't feel like it's. I feel like we always have to go back to like Greek or Latin and those sort of things, but I don't feel like it fits either of those. Well, you're on the right track because it comes specifically from English and it's actually a mashup of different words and letters that were used previously and then became transformed to the word that we now use in the modern English, goodbye. OK, so what words was it initially? So originally a person would say this upon their departure or when someone else was departing and they would say, God be with ye. OK, for that in books, OK, and then that in writing became shortened to G O D. B W Y E. So like how we're like, be right back and we're like BRB. Oh, I had to, wow, I didn't think about that, BRB like the AOL years. So they had shorthand like that back then. Yes, it's specifically in writing because you wouldn't say God BWE that would actually be. Harder to say and take longer, but within writing in order to form a shorthand, it was just The letters all mashed together, G O D B. W. But they still would spell God out like out of respect or I suppose so. And they still spelled yee out too. So it was just the. Be with that was shortened to BW. OK. So it's shorthand for God be with thee. And then those letters, I guess, became transcribed at some point and it just became goodbye. I'm -- trying to -- like the GOD I guess became transcribed as G 00 D and the B was still there and I guess the W just got dropped altogether. And then you have the YE. Goodbye. OK, so the W turned to an O and got moved one space. Yeah, I guess that's, you could say that too, but. That is how we arrived at our English word goodbye. Strange because that, that's a lot of steps to get there. It is a lot of steps, but it also does explain why other languages don't have similar words for a farewell, where you could have farewell, but like a or chow or adios, those are going to have more of a normal formation of Goodbye in historical languages. What do you mean by normal formation? They'll be related to words within the etymology. So you'll have similar words with. Similar meanings that are adjacent to that versus English where you have goodbye versus farewell that have no relationship at all because they were derived completely differently. OK. So that is our word or phrase of the episode, goodbye. You can always remember that, that perhaps when you are saying goodbye to someone that you are really wishing them, God be with you. How weird would we be? We did some weird stuff with our kid. We still do probably, but when our kids were young, we did weird stuff with them. Like we made them shake hands with people and when they said hello, like hi, and they'd shake hands because I thought it was so cute, and they just thought it was normal -- and it ended up getting dropped off -- because, well, maybe it should be normal. Well, it should. But also you don't expect a one year old to come up and shake your hand. That's true. Oh, it was so cute though, and it was a crowd pleaser. But what I'm saying is like, how funny would it be if instead of saying goodbye, taught them to say God be with thee? Like that's just so funny in my head. If we just started telling everyone that when we see them, like if I'm in the Target and shopping and I'm like, thank you, God be with thee. Yeah, but I don't know if you would normally say goodbye to a person that's working at the checkout counter. Would you? Thanks, have a great day. I say that, right, but you don't say goodbye. Now, goodbye. I wanna do it to like people I talk to on the phone now. Once in a while, I had a conversation with someone, I won't say who, but it was a professional conversation, not like my career is on the line, but like, We weren't friends and. When we were hanging up, I'm like, bye, I love you. And then I was like, 00, that was embarrassing. I just hung up. And I think they understood, but also it comes so second nature to me for whoever I talked to on the phone. That, that was pretty embarrassing. But I could tell them God be with thee. There you go. I don't know if I really say goodbye in normal everyday conversations. I will definitely say bye as the shortened form of goodbye or see you later or have a good one. Those would be my typical closing remarks when I'm on a phone call or departing from. Particular social event. I feel like almost goodbye is aggressive now. It sounds like goodbye. Like that sounds like we're done. They put a period on it. OK, yeah, it seems harsh. Yeah, what was that game show where the lady was like, goodbye. I don't know. Oh, there was some game show where if they struck out on the questions or no, it was a trivia game and it's sort of similar to like the weakest link. You are the weakest link. Goodbye. Maybe that is it. OK, right. You are the weakest link. Goodbye. Yes. Was it a girl though? It was a girl from like England, so fit right in. But I highly doubt that she, it is a little bit aggressive, but I highly doubt that she was meant God be with you, where she was like, you are the weakest link. God be with you. I would say, right, I'd be with you. That sounds opposite. Yeah, I don't know the last time I heard like an actual goodbye without it being not a threat, it's not a good, I guess aggressive, it would be the right word. Or like, goodbye, like super emotional, like, this is the goodbye, like last time, period, final. Yeah, I don't think we use that word, do we? I don't particularly think that I do, so perhaps it has fallen out of usage within the modern time that we live because I guess it was popular in the 1800s, 1900s, but maybe it is falling out of usage now, right? Cause if you're saying goodbye to someone, you're saying like, this is the end of our relationship or when someone passes, you often hear like, this isn't goodbye, this is see you later, and stuff like that. That I'm thinking that this is a super aggressive word we don't hear actually. Perhaps so. Now there is some legitimacy to that where goodbye does typically indicate some sort of finality that perhaps you are saying, see you later to this person for the final time, where that is the final goodbye as it were. But That is not how it was intended when it was originally formed because certainly God be with you would not be aggressive or mean spirited when you're saying that to someone. Hopefully not where it's like God needs to be with you because, no, it's usually a well wish to the person that is departing or from which you're departing, similar to like Godspeed or farewell, meaning literally. That you want to have a situation in which you fare well. There's someone we know and love who has a tendency to say, I'm done talking. And just like leaves, it's like, oh, OK, you're done talking, and it's just their way they process it, and they're honest, and I love it about them, and also it's not necessarily culturally acceptable, and I feel like it's so sort of similar to that. As somebody saying. I'm done talking and they leave versus someone saying goodbye and they leave. It's almost the same in my mind, the same thing. Now, if someone says bye. bye bye, kind of like, yeah, that's fine. But the goodbye. It sounds very harsh. I suppose so. You, our listeners can weigh in on this and let us know if you think God. Oh, I was gonna say God be with you. I think that's a nice one. That's a nice one. It's weird, but it's, -- I -- was tripping over my own words. I was going to say that if you think goodbye is aggressive and or has fallen out of usage, you can let us know in a comment or email or text message because it does seem that in our own personal experience as these two hosts that are talking to you right now, that goodbye. Has fallen out of common usage and if it is used, is perhaps a bit aggressive. OK, look it up. I wanna see how often it's used because, yeah, I didn't realize I had such strong feelings about this until now, but I Don't like goodbye. Now I, I know this. And even as an example, when we started this podcast, this recording. I said that I was shocked when you said goodbye, kind of scrolling. I wasn't really engaged in what we were doing. And then when I heard those words, I paused and like was like, what? And I think that shows that in my head, goodbye is such a finality, like. harsh ending that I was like, wait, are we done? Like, are you mad? What's happening that it caused me to put my phone down and look at you. And so I think in my head, as I'm, I'm literally saying this out loud as I'm processing it. But I think, I think goodbye is a very negative finality, so I think I now am anti goodbye. And tell me about it, more about it. Well, you are right, we did skip over our favorite Oxford language dictionary in our dictionary definition, and that particular dictionary says that goodbye is defined as a word used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of conversation. And according to Google Ngram viewer, it actually has increased from 1970 quite steeply up to 2019 and then has steadied off, so it actually has more mentions since the 1970s up to current time. Now maybe that's because God be with you was being used before that. Before the 7. Do you think it was being used in the 1960s? Nope, I was wrong. So, God be with you as well as God be with you. I Not very popular. It barely shows up on the Ngram viewer results, so that would be pre 1800s, OK. As a side note, when you're talking about the 70s and the uptake, which is super interesting, I'm trying to process why. We watched, it's the holiday season, and we watched Charlie Brown's Christmas Tonight as a family. We're intentionally taking time throughout the week to do a Christmas movie or a game or something just like our family, no other activities, no other distractions, and so we're doing that, we watched Charlie Brown Christmas tonight and one of our kids was talking about how good the graphics were for how old it was. They're like this mom watched this when she was a kid. And so I was like, well, your grandparents watched this when they were kids, and they looked it up and Charlie Brown's Christmas aired in 1965, so their papa was the same age as one of our kids. And so they were shocked, like, papa was your age when this came out. And that was striking to them, but they were super impressed by the graphics, and that was 1965. In 1970, Goodbye got popular, right? Indeed, so color television was popular before goodbye. -- Did -- Charlie I have no idea. I did find as I was looking at the definition where people theorize that the extrao came from and that was added to align with other popular greetings like good morning or other things that you may say when departing like good night. OK, can we, is this too much of a tangent? Goodbye and good morning are the same thing, right? Obviously talking about different times of day, but I feel like it's the same thing. Is there a different origin for good morning? I would guess we can check. I would assume that good morning just means literally it is the morning and a particular greeting of good. People say good morning. They do say good morning. I hear good morning. I also hear just morning, morning, right? So that's true. I hear morning often, but I often hear good morning. If I hear good morning. It doesn't make me put down my phone and look at the person. I'm not shocked, like, oh yeah, good morning. So that one seems less aggressive to me. I'm known multiple times, I've done it. Countless times where we'll say we'll be at church for an evening event. I did this last week. And we're at an evening event for church, and I say hi to someone, and I'm like, good morning, and they're like, 00 wait, good night. Like it was like 6 o'clock at night. So it was pretty embarrassing. Everyone laughs about it, but I'm so used to saying good morning at church in the morning. That when we come back at night. I instinctively said good morning. Interesting. See, I have like a physical fear of making that kind of faux pas that. I will not make that mistake because I am so intently focused on proper interactions with people. See, I'm not though, and then we just all laugh about it and I'm like, oh, what's. Indeed. So, oh well, I wish I had a little bit of your fear. It would help me. Well, that's why we make a good podcast hosting team. So good morning actually is also a contraction from a previous archaic expression, which was, quote, I wish you a good morning, and then that just became shortened to good morning. And then I guess in the modern day we've shortened that yet again to just morning. So that is where that particular phrase came from, and I'm sure it's the same for other good and then the time of day. So good afternoon, good evening, and so on and so forth. Even that would be funny though if we taught our kids, if we started telling someone, like if you went to work tomorrow and you said, I wish you a good morning. What would they do? Yeah, they probably look at me strange, but. They just go about their day and wouldn't really think anything of it. Would there be any different interaction between good morning or morning? Mm, there's not much difference. They wouldn't respond differently. No, I do think that good morning is a little bit more chipper that versus like a morning like you're just -- more -- somber. Yeah, exactly morning as you're yawning, exactly. good morning. Yes, I don't know if I've ever heard you say good morning. Yeah, I, that's too chipper for you. Do you say good morning only in response to other people saying good morning. So if I said good morning, you would say good morning. I said morning. Yeah, I'd just say morning. Like that, yeah, again, it's the interaction with people that I'll just reflect that is usually the best course of action. To avoid embarrassment and faux pas. Exactly, I was gonna say I stick my foot in my mouth all the time, as y'all are aware, I'm sure, but I don't change my conversation based on who I'm around. So, I think it's good that you do because culturally, it's beneficial. But also I like that I don't, because then people know who I am. So you're saying people don't know who I am? You want me to answer that? That's probably true, -- but I'm -- OK with that of you. That's true. I don't even think I know fully who you are. Probably not. Maybe I don't even know myself. That's probably true. So one final that's true, we're on the journey of understanding. So, one final thing that I think is interesting as it relates to goodbye is the silent goodbye. OK, tell me about that. So this is actually more commonly called a French leave, can also be referred to as an Irish goodbye or an Irish exit. And that is a particular departure from a location or event without informing others or without seeking approval. OK, so I've never heard it be called a French leave. I've heard the colloquial Irish goodbye, which I'm notorious for, and I'll explain why, because I have a legitimate reason in my brain why I do that. But tell me more about the silent goodbye or why it's called, you say what the French goodbye? French leave, French leave when I've always heard it be the Irish. So you want to know the etymology of why it's called that, yeah, and then let's talk about it because you are opposite. You do not like that I do the quote unquote. I feel like it's not appropriate to say Irish goodbye, probably. But that's what we grew up hearing. So please forgive us, all our Irish friends. But I have a good reason why I do it, and I know you don't like it. So let's talk about that. So, in fact, the etymology is defined by our favorite Oxford language dictionary, and they have a particular quote about this from 1825, it appears. And the Oxford English Dictionary says, quote, the custom. Of going away from a reception, etc. without taking leave of the host or hostess was typically prevalent in the 18th century in France and sometimes imitated in England. Hence, jocularly, to take French leave is to go away or do anything without permission or notice. So the French just didn't care, they just left. I'm not finding where Irish goodbye came from. So the French leave is essentially saying you're not getting permission, but do we ever get permission to leave something? Well, there's perhaps certain social pressures that may require you or at least pressure you into staying. Like if you go to say goodbye and then somebody says, Oh, you can't leave yet, you have to meet so and so, or you have to have a piece of cake, or please don't ever do that to us. Well, that's why there's French leave. You just disappear and then you don't have to meet the other person, so and so, or have another piece of cake or whatever the case may be. You have to do this. No, I don't have to do anything. OK, right, because then if you don't succumb to those particular social pressures, then maybe you'll be considered even ruder than if you had left without saying goodbye at all. Maybe, maybe that's why I'm doing it deeply in my heart. You, you do French leave is what you're saying. You just leave and disappear. OK, -- can we talk about don't -- why do you want to talk about this meeting first? Well, I think we've covered the meaning, right? What have we not covered as a meaning? -- All -- right, now, I think so. So let's talk about this because we differ so much and I feel like we're kind of ish in the middle after 16+ years of marriage, 17 years+ together. Because we were super polar before. But part of me wants to say, it's, it seems rude when we're, say we're in an event, and there's lots of people there, to find the host beforehand, be like, I'm leaving. I feel like it's rude if we leave too early. That's gonna hurt their feelings. And second, it just seems like such a like, everyone stop what you're doing and pay attention to me, cause I'm leaving. I'd rather just leave. Without making a big hoopla about myself. Like everyone stop and say goodbye and hug me. I'm leaving, I'm so important. It's why I don't like it. I would like to just be like, hey, like if there's the person's around me, I'll say bye, thanks, this was great. But if not, I'm just gonna get my Tupperware or whatever and leave, or if it's a throwaway, I leave it there so people can keep eating it and then they just throw it away. That's true. I think it may be coastal differences in our childhood because with my particular upbringing within areas of the United States that had particular Germanic and Dutch roots that this is not a thing you do in German or Dutch is that it's like very much frowned upon to Have French leave. You go say goodbye to the hosts or the people that you're with, and perhaps that has something to do with their particular farewell words because they don't really have a word for goodbye. They say of Witerstein, which means until we see each other again. So it is more of a particular phrase that says you're leaving now, but we will see each other again at a later time, OK. And I also think that perhaps again, Germanic and Dutch roots are going to be perhaps a little bit more abrupt in their particular social interactions and if someone offers them a piece of cake or to come meet someone that, that really won't be seen as rude if they just say, no, I'm leaving, goodbye. Yeah, I think it could be like you said, cultural because I know like say in the Midwest. It's a whole thing, right? Like how you say goodbye. And then y'all walk towards the door and you have another 20 minutes, and then you walk towards the car, you know, like it's a whole process. I have zero interest in that. I just wanna take my leftovers and go home. That's true, and I think even in those particular interactions in my childhood, that there was not social pressure to stay longer because if you did give your farewell, that people left you to leave and did not. Pressure you in any way to stay longer. OK, I had a conversation recently and they were like talking about this thing that came up, that's come up multiple times with this child. Where they'll say something and they're like, I'm done and they just leave and head towards the next activity. And they're like, so we're working on like the whole process of like peer interaction and all that, right? And so I laughed and I was like, oh my goodness, I remembered your grandfather, who once again is one of the favorite men in the world. I really loved this man. He was a war veteran, great guy. He would do that, we'd be eating with him and he would finish eating, and he would get up from the table. And go sit in his car and it's like. The rest of us still eating. We haven't paid, but he was done, like it's done. Goodbye. He had no sense, like no obligation to like sit around and small talk and wait for all the pleasantries. And one of our children have that same tendency. And when I shared that, I remember them being like, oh, that is so fun, like, they thought that was so interesting, that it's like this, I was like, we're, we, it's not taught, it's like inbred in them. That's true, yeah, I mean, I guess it is the long time debate of nurture versus nature, how much of that particular is Prescribed by the culture versus just hereditary. Because even with us, right, on a lesser level. You'll often go sit in the car when you're ready, you've said goodbye, you're done, and I'm stuck in a conversation and I'm trying to get out of it. And you're like that, you're still in the car, and I'm like, my husband, he's in the car, I gotta go. So I'm not good at leaving conversations. Maybe that's why I like the. What do you call it the French French leave. Maybe that's why I'm a fan of that. What's the other term that wouldn't be cultural? You said Irish goodbye. No, that I feel like both those are cultural. What's, uh, you said silent goodbye. OK, let's say that. I feel like that's gonna get us in less trouble. So silent goodbye. I think that's why I like the silent goodbye, cause I'm not good at stopping conversations. So then they're gonna be like, oh, did I tell you about blah blah blah, or did I show you, yada yada? And one, I'm interested, so I wanna hear about it cause I enjoy people. But then you're in the car with that idling waiting for me and then I feel that pressure of like, gotta go, but you still wanna show me this item, OK. So silent goodbye avoids all of that. I guess, but, or you could just be good at ending conversations and just leave. How do you end a conversation then, other than the rude, I'm done talking. And we've already said that's not next week. You could. Next week when we see you, you can show me that. Nope, you get to say I have to go. See you next week. But when they're like, but I wanted to tell you about like, I don't know, I guess I don't have people that want to tell me things. OK, well, think about it cause I do. I love these people. I also think perhaps maybe it is a gender thing too, because most of my interactions are with men in general during. Pleasantries and social conversations. And I think men will typically have a little bit more emphasis on like. Work that needs to be done or things that you must do or like duty that if there is something that I gotta go take care of that they understand that and don't need to tell me additional things that can wait until next time. OK, yeah, I'm sure it is partially gendered and cultural because like, oh, I wanna show you my yada yada. Or men don't necessarily do that unless it's like some power tool or whatever, but like. You didn't like that. That was a little misogynistic. So your friends don't show you their power tools. I'm sorry. OK, I, I've seen, I've seen some mowers. -- I have -- not. Yeah, I've my friends have never shown me a mower before. Yeah, that's like something guys do. Go, go out to the garage and look at their mower. I've never, no one's ever shown me except for you when you got our mower. OK, that was my. I, I apologize. I'm getting myself in so much trouble this time. Goodness, OK, anyways, are are we talking about? I don't know where you're put my, my mouth like we talked about earlier. I don't know where you're going. You're talking about something how the men show each other power tools. -- Because you're saying -- like people aren't ever trying to keep you back to talk about something. Yeah, unless it relates to specific things like a health and safety issue or something that needs to be taken care of expeditiously that requires my attention, but If it's more for social things, I don't think I have those experiences very often. OK, see, I think it's different. Maybe it's cultural or because you're a guy and I'm a girl. But we want. I feel like I completely do. I suppose so. Even, OK. As you're like looking, I, we had a conversation with someone recently about weddings. Again, our wedding was 17 years ago. I had shared with them cause they're talking about exits and this like grand exit, and one that wasn't necessarily a thing when we got married, these grand exits. Also, when we got married, we had a wonderful wedding. I loved our reception, like all of it. I truly loved every part of it. And when it was done, we stayed and cleaned up. And when I shared that with people, they were shocked. And then then they also were like, oh, I know you guys, like, obviously you did. But yeah, we stayed and cleaned up and then we went and got ice cream like. Which sounds insane, but also that's so us to clean up and then go get ice cream. Like, I don't know anything that would be more you and I than that. Do you remember that? I do remember that. So perhaps that's our takeaways for this episode is that I need to be more open to conversations and not just reflect and mirror what other people are doing, and likewise, you need to learn how to exit conversations. But how do you, OK, can we talk about that later? How do you do that? Kindly? Well, I would just say. Goodbye or As previously stated, God be with you. And then I would say, from your friends that I hate talking, until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.